Behold! the king of gloom.

My fear of death and inability to form a cohesive thought. 

Life proves to be as unpredictable as always with every passing year, the only constant is its ability to surprise me. I’ve learned that any attempt to struggle against is an exercise in the futile and absurd. It has occurred to me recently that a transformation of the way I view this existence is needed if I’m going to make the most of it. The biggest obstacle I have to overcome is the one truth I’ve never been able to reconcile; one day we are all going to die. Maybe it’s the causal effects of being raised to believe that there was a heaven, only to later have it occur to me that it was specious information at best. My fear of death is made worse by an irrational sense that I will also die young. I have no idea how that stuck in my craw but it did.

As I crest ever closer to my thirties I’m more confident that I know what I want to accomplish and more or less how to accomplish these things. There are a few important facts that I need to register and keep in mind as I continue this ride. Paramount is the fact that I am, and always have been, driven by destinations. While I’m not absolutely convinced that this is a terrible way of life, it’s not without its flaws. The most obvious and immediate danger is that life will pass you by and you would have missed it. Life becomes about a series of major events and you tend to regard the small ones with a sort of indifference. When you start banking on a future that doesn’t exist you run the risk of living your life in a strange non-reality way station of daydreaming.

I spent an inordinate amount of time alone in 2010 and was terrified to learn how easy it was for me to do this. Granted, I was facing health issues which left me in a constant state of malaise, pain and depression, but it’s no excuse to let life pass you by and…wait…

What the fuck was my point? I’m not sure that I had one anymore. I sat down with the intention of blogging again and became lost in my own hazy thoughts. And then a voice could be heard saying, “Welcome back Mr. Godfrey, we missed you. Won’t you stay awhile?”